Hello ! Here is Chapter 5, well motivated to write it following your warm comments. Eh Eh I leave you languishing, when Marc will finally see Kay again ?? Or perhaps never ? Continue to read Free Fall : Renaissance to find out 😀
Contrary to what I had imagined, track down Kay, or at least his new living place, was not that complicated. A brief look in the police files to which I could have access thanks to an internal contact taught me Kay had asked for a transfer in a town located about 80 kilometres far from here.
It took me around two hours to reach that city. Once arrived near the obtained address, I park in the street. I hesitate during what appears to be long minutes before getting out of the car. This is completely crazy. What am I about to say to Kay ? How will he react when seeing me ? I tremble just by the thought of it. The last time I saw him, I clearly suggested him it was preferable to leave in order to avoid troubles and I had abandoned him. He will never be able to forgive me.
I reflect on this entire story. Actually, I have been a perfect egotistic from the beginning to the end with Kay. This is him who has always bent over backwards for me, to help me, for us to live our relationship secretly. And I have almost never expressed all the love I truly felt for him in return. He was entirely right when he said me “With you Marc, it’s always me, me, me”. I never thought about him, about his problems, about everything he could feel. By the way was he really in love with me ? Maybe our relation was just physical. At least, I will know for sure when I will see him. As for me, I know I have deep feelings towards him, otherwise I would not come up to here.
When I finally decide to get out of my Golf, I join the building where Kay is domiciled. It is the beginning of the evening, and I dare hope he is home right now. When I arrive in front of the block, I realize an entry code is necessary to get in, and there is no intercom.
I’m blocked outside. This only thing I can do is go back to my car and hope having the chance to see Kay get in or get out. Just when I am about to leave, an old woman waves at me and come open the door.
– You come to see somebody ? she asks me.
– Hello. Yes, I come to visit Kay. Kay Engel.
– Come in young man, I’m the janitor.
I penetrate in the entrance hall of the building.
– Are you sure you are at the right place ? Kay has vacated the premises not so long ago, she says to me while turning over.
I am surprised and terribly disappointed at the same time by this announcement.
– How long ?
– Nearly two weeks now. He has departed so quickly, in all haste. So well that he has left a mount of stuff, and the landlord pesters me for his apartment to be cleared. There are a lot of personal objects, I don’t know where to start.
– Would you mind showing me his apartment ?
– No, no problem. Follow me.
We take the stairs to go to the second floor. The old woman opens the door of the apartment.
– Have you forgotten something at his place ?
– Uh, yes, I lie, destabilized by her question. He had borrowed me a document I need urgently.
– Very well, I let you. I will verify that the cleaning agent has washed the bathroom and that it is in order for the first visits meanwhile.
While the janitor is leaving, I go in Kay’s bedroom. Everything is tidy and the bed is made. I can’t help myself sitting on it and breathe the sheets while sweeping my hand on them. I have the impression of smelling the sweet scent of Kay.
My gaze turns upon the bedside table. I open its drawer and find with surprise a damaged photo inside. I grab it and discover with emotion a shot of Kay and I we took during a jogging session we made in the forest. We are smiling and we look happy. I had completely forgotten that picture. I had let it to him because I didn’t want to take the risk that Bettina finds it, even if it would have change nothing in the end.
Emotion rises in me at the sight of this beautiful image, so well that tears start to fill my eyes.
I get up and join an adjacent room filled with darkness. When I open the light, I discover with surprise a place full of paintings and sketches left as they are.
– Young man, your friend has left many drawings and paintings, as you can see, tells me the janitor while arriving at the bedroom doorstep. Isn’t it what you’re looking after ?
Surprised in my loneliness, I discreetly dry my tears and turn toward her.
– What are you talking about ? Uh no, the canvases don’t matter.
She joins me and enters the room.
– Have you found what you were looking after then ?
– No, I say while hiding the photo in one of my back pockets.
– So this is maybe in this room after all. Cast a glance there.
– Kay has created all of this ? I say with astonishment.
I never knew Kay was drawing and painting. He never talked to me about it and I never saw any painting in his last apartment where we used to see each other. I’m struck when looking more precisely at his drafts to realize they all represent a masculine figure.
– I’ve discussed a little bit with Kay, he confided in me sometimes. He was a solitary person, with a hidden nature, explains to me the old woman. From what he has told me, all these paintings represent a boy he used to know, a certain Marc.
I feel a thrill travel across my back but let nothing of it appear. I then approach myself from other canvases and observe closer the drawings. There is no doubt we can recognize some of my physical features on them.
– What looks strange, is that Marc seems so sad on these canvases. Like jaded, bitter, she says to me.
– Or heartbroken, I mumble.
– Kay never said to me who this Marc was.
– Maybe he was just his model ? I throw to cover myself in case the old woman would recognize me from the drafts; I prefer to stay discreet as much as possible.
The janitor gets closer to me and points a finger upon several sketches.
– It may have started that way, but it became more. Look at the way he … captured Marc. The curve of his back. The softness of his skin. Kay was under the spell of Marc, spending every waking moment painting him. He was in every brush stroke. I know it doesn’t concern me, but Kay loved this man, it’s obvious.
– But they were not together, I say trying to put up a smokescreen. Kay never talked to me about a Marc.
– Frankly, I find that hard to believe. I don’t know, maybe Kay wanted all this to remain secret. Maybe they broke up. Painting was probably the only way Kay had to be able to live this romance.
– But if they loved each other so much, I asked, why would Marc push him away ?
– Maybe there was someone else, someone that don’t wanted them to be together. Or Marc didn’t feel worthy of Kay, he doubted the way he felt about him. Or all of this together.
I remain silent a few moments. Until I notice the gaze of the janitor looking hard at me.
– You’re Marc, isn’t it ? she questions me.
I gave myself away.
– Yes … I admit in a whisper.
– I figured it out the moment I saw you arrive. I was telling myself that your face was familiar to me. I had already seen it on those sketches several times.
I don’t know what to answer her.
– It is not for something that you came back. It’s for Kay.
– And he is gone now, I finally answer her, bitter.
A few tears flood my face.
– I love him so much. I would give anything to find him again, I say while touching smoothly one of the sketches, which represents me in Kay’s arms, as if nothing could separate us, as if we were together for eternity, frozen into that pleasant position.
– I can perhaps help you. The only thing I know is that before leaving, Kay told me he was heading to Düsseldorf, to flee as far as possible. To start over.
– Did he give any address ? I ask feeling an insane hope invade me.
– No. As I told you, he left so quickly.
I stay a few more minutes inside the apartment. I take care of getting back some drawings as a souvenir, in case I would never see Kay again. I dry my tears and after having warmly thanked the old woman, I leave the building.
In the street, I take back out the photo where I am with Kay. Why do you escape me when I finally decide to repair my mistake ?
I hold on to my deep desire to see Kay again. As long as I won’t have found him, I won’t surrender. I get back inside my car and turn on my GPS.